A Bright Light in the Sky
by clouds of nothing
Summary: Massie had always taken the spotlight, and Claire hated her for it. Yet at the same time, she missed her and wanted to talk to her. A look at the complicated friendship between Claire and Massie. Oneshot songfic to "Girl Next Door" by Saving Jane.


**Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be.  
Notes: The song is "Girl Next Door" by Saving Jane. And thanks to my beta, Wingzz!**

_Small town homecoming queen  
 She's the star in this scene   
There's no way to deny she's lovely_

Massie always took the spotlight. Whether she deserved it or not, she always did. It's like a fact of life: humans need water to live, the sky is blue on nice days, most of the earth is made up of oceans, and Massie Block shined no matter where she was.

_Perfect skin, perfect hair  
 Perfumed hearts everywhere  
 Tell myself that inside she's ugly_

"Here, Kuh-laire. Wear this, since there's no way you can wear any of your clothes, because- well, let's just say I can't have a member of the Pretty Committee dressed in those LBR outfits."

I smiled, thanked her, and told her she totally saved me because I didn't want to wear any of my ugly clothes on the first day of ninth grade either. And after she exited the room, I glanced at my closet and the American Eagle outfit hanging inside it, the one that I loved. For a moment I considered wearing it anyway. Then I sighed, shaking my head. Massie had great style, so why wouldn't I wear her clothes?

But as I reached for the Theory dress lying on my comforter, I couldn't help but look one last time over at my open closet doors.

_Maybe I'm just jealous  
I can't help but hate her   
Secretly I wonder if my boyfriend wants to date her_

"Happy sixteenth birthday, Claire." Cam kissed the top of my head when he arrived at our usual early-morning hangout table at school, and I giggled and leaned into him, looking up into his mismatched eyes and telling him thanks.

"Sixteenth birthdays are totally awesome. Do you guys remember my huge Sweet Sixteen blowout two months ago? That was in-sane…" Massie said, tilting her head as if lost in a memory.

Then everyone was focused on her, and the birthday wishes and congratulations stopped coming my way. As I thought about the fact that the only special thing I would be doing for my Sweet Sixteen was taking my driver's test, I suddenly felt empty air behind my head, and heard the scraping sound of a chair being pulled out. Looking to my right, I saw Cam sitting down, his eyes now trained on Massie like she was the only person in the room. He was laughing and remembering with her, just like everyone else, and I felt a twinge deep in my stomach.

Even on my birthday, it was all about her.

_She is the prom queen, I'm in the marching  band  
She is a cheerleader, I'm sitting in the stands   
She gets the top bunk, I'm sleeping on the floor   
She's Miss America and I'm just the girl next door_

I stood in the lunch line with all the girls, looking ahead to the dessert section, where healthy chocolate brownies were waiting for me. And even though I would have really preferred it if they were unhealthy, the sight still made my mouth water and my stomach growl. One bad thing about being a junior was having lunch so late.

Massie remarked on the brownies just as I was thinking about them, and I laughed at how our minds seem to be connected at that moment. I told her, "I'm dreaming about them, too. But I thought you were on a diet?"

Massie tossed her hair and rolled her eyes. "Um, hello? Those are _healthy_ brownies. The sign says so. They're totally okay for me to eat. Besides," she said, licking her lips, "I've been craving chocolate all day."

There were only two brownies left when we got there. But some kid that was standing right behind me leaned forward and grabbed one of them. The lunch lady picked up the other one and looked back and forth from Massie to me. And then, the brownie was bestowed upon Massie.

"Sorry," Massie said to me. "That LBR was totally wrong to take your brownie. Want me to tell Kristen to go put her soccer skills to good use and kick him?"

I giggled. "Nah, it's okay." Then I waited for her to offer me some of her brownie. After all, we were best friends. I would have done it for her.

But Massie just silently took a bite of brownie, her amber eyes closing in bliss. And I was left wondering what it was about her that made the lunch lady give her the brownie. Why was she always on top, while I was left a few rungs below her?

_Senior class president   
She must be heaven sent   
She was never the last one standing_

As I slumped in my seat in the back row, I saw Massie walking out on stage. Great. I really didn't want to have to listen to the alpha senior, my former best friend, talk with fake peppiness then. I knew that as soon as we all walked out of here, she'd be back to talking about us behind our backs.

Massie took the microphone and gave a natural, confident smile. "Hi, everyone! I'm so glad that you're all back from winter break safe and happy. It's really great to see you again. As class president, I have a few words to say to you…"

I tuned her out, wishing I had just ditched this stupid thing like my friends had. I could have been hanging out with them right now, drinking beer, laughing with Jennie, and making out with Sean.

Maybe I had come because I wanted to see Massie, I mused before I could stop myself. I saw her every day, of course, since she was the most popular girl in school, but I didn't really ever hear her talk. I didn't want to forget the good times we'd had together, and this was a way to help me remember- hearing her voice. I hadn't spoken with her since May, when we'd gotten in a huge competition that resulted in the ending of our friendship.

I'd learned something at the end of our fight: never mess with the devil. She always comes out on top.

_A backseat debutante   
Everything that you want  
 Never too harsh or too demanding_

I hated college. The teachers gave you so much homework that there was barely time to breathe. And if you didn't do that homework, they got all pissy and up in your face about it. And next thing you knew you were failing a test, and they told you it was all your fault for not doing the homework.

But at least I was at college, unlike some people I used to know. When I turned on the TV, there on the screen was a picture of the exact person I was thinking of. Massie's beautiful face was on E! once again. She was everyone's favorite actress. She didn't go to college. Instead, she got "discovered" and was given the leading role on a hot new CW drama.

I'd once seen her address in the back of one of those fan magazines. It listed a bunch of different stars and where you could write to them. Massie had her address there, with all the others. Sometimes I wanted to write to her and say, "Hey, remember me? Claire Lyons? The girl you used to be friends with? I just want to tell you that I hope you're happy with yourself, because you hurt a lot of people when you were first being discovered. And you hurt a lot of people all the years before that, even your so-called 'friends.' Including me."

_Maybe I'll admit it  
 I'm a little bitter   
Everybody loves her but I just wanna hit her_

When Ellie started a discussion about Massie one night, I had to clamp my lips together to keep from saying anything. Maybe it was wrong, but I hadn't told my friends that I used to know Massie. I was best friends with her, even. I never brought it up with them.

I stared at the stupid issue of People magazine that started the conversation. As everyone gave their opinions on Massie, I looked at the picture of Massie on the cover and at the headline proclaiming that Massie is going to be starring in a new movie with Nathan Kress as her love interest. We had used to gossip about how hot Nathan Kress was when we were friends and we watched iCarly. And now she would meet him, star in a movie with him.

I had wanted to be the actress, I had wanted to meet Nathan Kress, I had wanted to be everyone's favorite TV star. And I hated her for getting everything I had wanted. And at the same time, I sort of missed her and wished I could call her up so we could talk and gossip like we used to, so that at least I could experience my dreams secondhand.

_She is the prom queen, I'm in the marching band   
She is a cheerleader, I'm sitting in the stands  
 She gets the top bunk, I'm sleeping on the floor  
 She's Miss America and I'm just the girl next door   
Oh and I'm just the girl next door_

My junior year of college brought a lot of surprises: I met a really awesome guy named Justin and we ended up falling in love, I had the second-highest GPA in my English class (formerly my worst subject), and Massie Block was no longer the media's perfect angel.

It was almost ironic, actually. Just as I was getting totally back to being a good girl, Massie was almost becoming what I used to be. There were magazine covers screaming out how Massie was party crazy and an alcoholic. After being cheated on by the man she was engaged to, she just seemed to drop the good-girl image she had formed for herself.

And yet she was still a popular actress. After all, bad press is better than no press at all. Even with all the magazines telling all the horrible stuff she was doing, Massie Block still managed to stay queen. It was as if we were back in high school friendship days: she was still alpha, and I was still below her. I was just much farther below her than I had been then.

_I don't know why I'm feeling sorry for myself   
I spend all my time wishing that I was someone else_

An interview and a screaming fit during it. A breakdown at a club. A drunken string of curses thrown at the paparazzi.

All making Massie more popular than ever. Before, most magazines reported on her shenanigans. Now all of them did. Before, almost everyone who was over thirteen and under seventy knew her. Now they all knew who she was.

I'd spent enough of my life wishing I was like Massie. Wishing that I was nearly as cool and sophisticated as she was.

As I stared at the millionth magazine cover saying that Massie did drugs, I couldn't help but think that being on top wasn't worth it, and not all it was cracked up to be. I would rather be down where I was than be up there with her.

_She is the prom queen, I'm in the marching band  
 She is a cheerleader, I'm sitting in the stands  
 I get a little bit, she gets a little more  
 She's Miss America and... she's Miss America   
I'm just the girl next door..._

Suicide.

It's an ugly word. Just the thought of it makes me shiver. How could someone do that?

Massie Block did it to herself. Massie Block has committed suicide.

I can't go out to the store to get food to cook for dinner without seeing the headlines screaming that she killed herself. I have to send Justin, my husband, to get dinner. Because I don't like to see those magazines with their articles saying that despite her actions towards the end of her life, Massie will be sorely missed. They have no clue what they're saying. They didn't know Massie. I realize that I didn't know her the last few years either, but I knew her for a long time.

Massie was many things. A loyal friend. A backstabber. Someone who wouldn't let her friends wear ugly clothes because she wanted them to always look their best. A person who wouldn't stop for anything or anyone in her conquest to be the best. A bright star. Someone who never shared the spotlight. A kind girl. A bitch.

I write this in memory of her, of our complicated friendship and my conflicting feelings towards her.

Even when Massie is dead, my feelings about her still clash inside me. I can't help but hate her for everything she did to me, how cruelly she treated me. And at the same time, I remember how much fun we would have together. I wish she was still alive so I could somehow contact her and we could try being friends again.

But I am certain of one thing: even in death, Massie Block shines. Her funeral was attended by millions. People talk about her every day, and while some of it is bad, some of it is good.

I am not a star, and I never will be. But I am content with my life, with my status.

Massie is a bright light in the sky, and I am the darkness surrounding her. And that is the way it is meant to be.

Massie is under the earth now, and she will never think or feel again. But she still is a star. And she always will be.

R.I.P. Massie Block

-Claire Alkid (formerly Claire Lyons)

**A/N: Wow. I feel incredibly sad after writing this.**

**I was basically inspired to write this by two things.**

**One was reading the extremely excellent book Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher. It's about a guy listening to a set of tapes from a girl he loved who committed suicide, and the tapes explain the thirteen reasons why she killed herself. I recommend the book to you all. It's absolutely terrific. It got me thinking about suicide and how horrible it is.**

**The other thing was I was wonder about Massie and Claire's friendship. Even though it seems very shallow in the books (just like everything else in them), I am sure that in real life it would be extremely complicated. It seems like it would sort of be a mix between friendship and hate, as Claire feels in this fic.**

**Suicide is a very powerful and serious topic, and I hope I handled it well. I tried to make it so that it wasn't focused on the suicide so much as the relationship between Claire and Massie.**

**Oh, and in case you are wondering: each section of normal type goes forward another year, except at the beginning. At the beginning, it is the same time as at the end, which is why both are in present tense except when referring to Massie, since she is dead in both sections. Then the next section of normal type is ninth grade, then tenth, and so on until at the end, Claire graduated from college the year before.**

**Please, please review. And sorry for this long author's note, but I had a lot to say.**

**-CL**


End file.
